If you go out to the back of a grocery store, you can find a plethora of discarded meat, all amazing different meaty parts with bone, gristle and wires in it, and if you take a pair of gloves, some glue and duct tape, you can make that meat into a Meat Beauty, and you can take the Meat Beauty for a coffee and sit it on a chair opposite you, and prop a book open against the table so the Meat Beauty can read a little, something appropriate for the age you assign her, perhaps The Gruffalo or The Hungry Caterpillar. When the people come to admire the Beauty, be prepared for some questions, but answer only, "Yes, isn't she gorgeous, thank you so much." Be wary of momentum as you push your Beauty on the swings, as parts can fall off, and this can lead to angry, unpleasant scenes and a lot of unhappy parents, even while the children are laughing and trying to touch your little poppet. Warn the children not to touch the exposed parts of your Beauty, only the clothed parts, because the Beauty carries germs. Tell the parents that you have the right to be in here with your Beauty, even if she isn't like the other kids. As you are pushed out of the park, remind the other parents that swearing and spitting are not things that should be done in front of children. Cradle your Beauty and take her away from the bad parents. With regards to hygiene, your Beauty will need to be bathed regularly, but will still smell after a time. Often the police will take away your Beauty, and you won't have the opportunity to get another one for a while. But sometimes you will evade capture, and your Beauty will have to be either replaced or upgraded with more parts. Take her to the bins where she was born, and you have all the materials you need, plus her old parts will be recycled. Above all, enjoy the time you have with your Beauty. It goes so fast. Do not compare yourself with other parents. Do not pay any mind to the comments you hear on the street as you wheel your Beauty around town. Do not ever say that you will make another Beauty as soon as you have the opportunity. Do not name your Beauty as this leads to heartache. (Originally published in Word Riot)

Home